The S-ASSY Tomato Saga

Moon Tomato 2008

I have sassy tomatoes. Say it with me now – “SASSY tomatoes!”

The Sassy Tomato Saga begian with my concern over the environment and the food my family consumes. I mean, c’mon, would you eat bug killer? Every time you buy a non-organically grown fruit or vegetable you allow your family to consume chemical residue. It’s time to give our children better health, isn’t it?

Yet, who can afford organic? It’s expensive – many organic vegetables are flown here from all over the world utilizing extensive transportation which produces a lot of CO2 and contributes to global warming. When I approach the organic produce section I often see the snobby organic fruits wearing stylish plastic coverings; their little elitist fur coats. The answer: buy local. Buying local means you usually get organic as well as better nutrition. Vegies which have been picked at the peak of ripeness have more vitamins and much more flavor.

In an effort to stay local and combat the grocery prices, I decided to grow my own tomatoes this summer. A sweet couple, Susan and Larry Kasprowicz, grew a Polish Heritage tomato plant for me from seed over the winter. Larry is a remarkable survivor. He has Type II diabetes and has survived colon cancer. He has fibrocystic lung disease, emphysema, congestive heart failure, and atrial fibrillation. He gardens to stay alive and healthy – something I highly recommend. Thanks for spreading the tomato love Larry!

Susan and Larry 2008

Here’s Susan and Larry in their garden – aren’t they adorable?

Susan and he brought the tomato plant and stake over for me and, due to the rain, we planted it a bit late in the spring behind my fence in the area I have designated as a garden for the public. I waited. And waited. Forever. It takes a long time to grow a tomato. I checked on the babies every day and finally, after months, the little buggers began getting larger and started to ripen.

Finally the day came when I could pick my ‘mater. I was so excited! I brought the camera and my garden snippers out and took this photo of the prize tomatoes:

I picked one tomato, raised it above my head like an Olympic champion, danced a victory wiggle, and shouted “WAHOO!”

The next day I came back out to pick the other one AND IT HAD BEEN STOLEN! ARGH! DOH! Call the tomato police! Call the FBI! Call Whole Foods! It was a crime of passion I’m sure as these tomatoes taste like heaven.

In fact, I had several tomato plants sprinkled throughout my perennial garden and I was only able to save two tomatoes. Both are MIRACLE tomatoes and I wanted to share the tomato miracle with my husband (and now my readers).

The first miracle is tomato number one. It is shaped rather like the view of a man’s bottom – –

“Honey, I grew a tomato that looks like a butt! Wanna see?”

Husbands reply, “uh, no!”

“But it’s a BUTT!”


The second miracle is tomato number two is square – A SQUARE I TELL YOU – – “Mom you grew a square! How’d you do that?” “uh… my super tomato powers, didn’t you know?”

Square Tomato 2008

Why not feed your family locally grown or organic foods? You’ll discover a miracle or two in the process – maybe not a “mooning” tomato – but perhaps better health.

Get healthy! Get Green! Get Community!

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  • Reply
    September 10, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Square I can handle, but I have to tell you, I have no desire to become that dreaded creature that my daughter Kate has coined: a buttmuncher! So, to my dear friend, the s-assy, no-longer-blogtarded, buttmunching Queen of Super Tomato Powers, I say: BRAVO!! Another funny/smart blog post that has started my day off great!

  • Reply
    Shawna Coronado
    September 12, 2008 at 8:28 am

    This is an awesome note from Larry and Sue Kasprowicz – the infamous couple who donated the plant to me which grew the very unusual tomato in this particular blog.
    Larry and Susan Kasprowicz here, the infamous suppliers of the plant that produced the “Butt Muncher.”
    We had an interesting experience tonight in the now famous garden on Curtis Avenue. We were picking tomatoes, trying to minimize damage from the swelling of the recent rain that was making the fruit crack, when a black mid-sized sedan slowed down and the driver waved at us. Larry was otherwise occupied on the other side of the paste tomato row, but I noticed and waved back. Next thing we knew, the car backed up, drove in and a well dressed older (meaning about my age) lady jumped out and started waving her arms in the direction of our garden and chatting enthusiastically with me in a language I couldn’t quite place, interspersed with English, until she mentioned “kim chi.” I asked if she was from Korea, and she confirmed, “Yes, South Korea,” and waved at her husband (driver) to come out.
    There ensued between them a long discussion of the garden structure that I was having difficulty following. I still don’t know for sure, but from her professorial-looking husband’s examination of the infrastructure (he spoke no English, she only some), I gathered he was more impressed with the wire cages (from concrete reinforcing wire), the mulching, and the trellising than with the actual plants themselves. I watched in wonder as they wandered around the area, completely at home, and spoke with each other in Korean, obviously delighted. Larry was even more baffled. At one point, they seemed entranced with an odd (it was freebie) plant, the name of which I don’t even know, someone gave it to us. They lingered, and I felt we should do more, but I wasn’t sure what was needed. We gave them chiles (they were obviously partial to the Serranos and Thai hots) and tomatoes and wished them well, because Larry was running out of oxygen and we needed to go inside. We waved goodbye, but they lingered in the driveway, looking at the garden and chatting enthusiastically before they finally drove away.
    Since the garden is pretty well shot (the wet Spring bringing out leaf spot on the tomatoes and cukes, which never recovered), we weren’t quite sure what beauty they were seeing. Larry thought perhaps they are new to the country since their English is rudimentary, and that perhaps they had a garden where they lived in South Korea. The gentleman’s interest in how to build the cages and the trellising suggested he has an engineering bent.
    Gardening is truly a universal experience, perhaps even a universal language.

  • Reply
    April 20, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    I’m starting now to read through all your garden posts to hopefully get some knowledge so I can get some skills so I can get a descent garden so i can get some veggies. ;p I don’t know why, but gardening has always seemed to complicated to me and my efforts always end miserably. People make it seem so easy but my brain just doesn’t get it. Quite sad. Wish me luck.

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