Dear UPS Corporation,
Today I received a delivery of fresh young test plants that were sent so that I am able to try them out in the garden. I am a test gardener and plant arrival is always an exciting moment for me. My readers, and I’m sure your delivery team, know that categorically I have a deep and passionate obsession with gardening, right? It’s like a love affair with none of that messy controversy, except when my city gets upset with me (but that’s another story). I actually work out in my garden in the spring at night with a head lamp on because I MUST get the plants in the ground in time.
But I digress.
What I’m trying to say is I’m garden nutso. And you get this by now by seeing the sheer quantity of plants you deliver to my household annually. Having said all this, I’m sure you understand how important it is to get these plants in good condition. You’ll note in the photo above how the plants arrived on my front porch today. Do you see something wonky here? Note the very specific arrow placement.
Now I understand that this might be your busy season because it just happens to be my busy season too – I’m planting the front lawn veggie garden, my kid just graduated from college, I’m writing a book, and I’m touring the country speaking all over the place. Perhaps your drivers are so busy that they have forgotten which freakin’ direction is up. This is surprising to me because the word “UP” is actually a part of your corporation’s name.
Let me confirm. ::rereading your company name::
Yes it is true: UPS has “UP” in it!
I just wanted to remind you hereto and forevermore which direction is really up. It’s the direction that plants grow. It’s where you look when you look at the clouds. It’s the place you go after you sit in a chair then change your mind and decide you need a cup o’ coffee. It’s the direction that success can be found. Up is always at the top of things. Generally speaking, it’s the opposite of down.
I hope you’ll continue to deliver lots of plants and other stuff to me, but will be sure to face the box the direction the shipper intended.
Thank you ever so much,